Compassion, Empathy, and the Rule of Law
I started this month’s newsletter nearly a week ago from a most unusual place . . . my mother’s hospital room.
My mother has lived a challenging and fascinating life. Someday I might share more about it. It’s the stuff of Hollywood movies. Having worked in the motion picture industry for a brief time in my life, please know I am serious when I say that.
Mom is 89 years old, recently having passed the halfway point of her 90th year. For over a year she has experienced the onset of dementia and not just any form of dementia. Like most everything in her life, which has been marked by the theme “go big or go home,” Mom is going big with Lewy body dementia (LBD), a form of dementia that not only creates certain proteins in the brain that cause confusion and memory loss, but it also manifests in a variety of hallucinations. To say the last several months has been interesting is a great understatement. Suffice it to say she has met a lot of new “friends”. And a few not-so-friendlies.
I am not being disrespectful here. In fact, I’m trying to be as respectful as possible in explaining the trauma of this disease. So, please, receive what I’m saying in that spirit.
Mom entered a nursing home to do rehab last week and due to her independent nature, she tried getting up on her own at night and fell. After a long process to determine any potential injuries, x-rays confirmed about the last diagnosis you’d want to receive for an elderly person. Mom fractured her hip.
The medical staff was fantastic in their care for her. But the message was clear: If we did not choose to operate and complete a partial hip replacement, the complications would speed up her demise. On the other hand, there was a very legitimate concern that she might not survive the surgery or, if she did survive, the anesthesia would likely worsen her condition considerably.
What do you do when you have only two options and both seem to resolve themselves badly? Which is the better of the two bad options?
The operation was Monday, August 5. Mom survived and the doctors were right. She is now living primarily in a world of delusion and past memories. As I write this today, Thursday, August 8, Mom is now a permanent resident of a skilled nursing facility well-experienced in serving those needing memory care.
Why am I sharing this?
This past legislative session in Minnesota, we went into it knowing there was going to be a major push for physician-assisted suicide (PAS) legislation, euphemized under the title “End of Life Options”. We celebrated when we learned the bill would not become law because the party pushing the bill didn’t have the votes.
I have reflected on our fight against PAS several times this week. I have talked about it openly with my wife. I now have a much more empathetic and compassionate heart towards those who believe they are asking for the right thing in getting PAS legislation passed. Watching a loved one suffer is nearly impossible to explain. But, I came to a new conclusion.
I am more firmly against PAS and maintain an even stronger mindset to making sure PAS is never passed in Minnesota.
Have you ever watched a person get right with God? My wife and I had front row seats to watching my Mom, not a particularly “religious” person but a “believer,” have a one hour conversation with God. She prayed about situations and for people who lived decades in the past. The prayers were genuine, heartfelt and remarkable.
It was as if we were watching God cleanse the soul of one of His children. In fact, as the pastor who baptized her, I believe that is exactly what God was doing. It was one of the most profoundly beautiful experiences I have ever had the privilege to witness in over 50 years of ministry. And it was my very own mother.
I shudder to think of what my mom, and my wife and I, would have missed had we been allowed to “put her to sleep” as if she was a household pet. This amazing child of God had an end-of-life encounter with her Lord and Savior that should never be denied to anyone. PAS would have prevented that inexplicable and unexpected beautiful encounter.
Mom is still with us, although I think her time left here is short. But she could surprise us. Mom has in her DNA the fighter spirit of one born in Brooklyn, New York many years ago. Yes, similar to another fighter from New York (even if he’s from Queens!).
Her fight for life inspires us to continue to fight for life from conception to natural death. And only God determines natural death. Not a piece of legislation.
